Solitude vs. Seclusion

A constant tug-of-war between solitude and seclusion rages within me. From a young age, I yearned for independence and solitude. Growing up in a family of six, sharing spaces was almost inevitable.

Joining the military was my chance to escape and gain freedom (ironically, I’m leaving the military for more freedom). Even under the watchful eye of rules and regulations, the military offered me opportunities I wouldn’t have had if I stayed in my hometown, working a 9-to-5 or going to school. I was unaware of the disconnect that would come from being away from my roots and the toll it would take on me. The euphoria I felt from weekend trips away, only to return home to find everything unchanged, was frightening. I feared losing my solitude and feeling like a younger version of myself again.

Seclusion

Returning home was often a disappointing experience. I’d put in a lot of effort to visit, only to be met with questions about why I hadn’t visited, called, or come to see them while I was in town. It was frustrating to put so much effort into a visit and be left with feelings of disconnect and disappointment. Conversations with family and friends became strained as we tried to understand each other’s lifestyles and decisions. There were some experiences that couldn’t be shared, because there was no way for it to make sense to others or even worse, feelings of regret and shame clouded those experiences. The conversations became harder to have. Explaining change was a taxing experience.

There comes a point when you’re unable to connect with others because your lives have taken completely different paths, and you no longer have anything in common. Unfortunately, growth often requires pruning on our journey, which can make it difficult to find the right balance. Seclusion may seem like an easy solution, but it’s not always the best choice.

One reason I turned to seclusion was the lack of responsibility I felt to explain myself to others. Even writing this blog is a struggle for me to put my feelings into words and convey my message. I’ve become so accustomed to using seclusion as a defense mechanism that the freedom of solitude I once craved has blurred the lines between the two.

Solitude

Solitude can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and personal growth. It allows us to clear our minds, gain clarity, and solidify our understanding of ourselves and our values. It’s about doing the opposite of what we normally do. Instead of avoiding social interactions, we embrace them. Instead of letting stress consume us, we prioritize self-care. Instead of staying secluded in our own worlds, we step out and connect with others.

Solitude is not about isolating ourselves from the world. It’s about finding balance between our need for alone time and our desire to connect with others. It’s about taking time for ourselves without feeling guilty or obligated to explain ourselves to others. But it’s also about using that time to create lasting memories and become the best versions of ourselves.